Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The big picture

Look beyond yourself. For one moment move past what you are feeling. So often we worry about trivial bullshit. Dishes break, you run out of gas, gain weight, bills are overdue, weather changes, loose a job, scrape a knee, pee the bed, late for work, get older, get sick, get turned down, get turned on, forget your phone, forget your keys, work to hard, play to little, have regret, have a broken heart.
Ask yourself what all this means at the end of the day. Ask this to the man saying goodbye to his wife and child to serve our country. To a woman holding her husbands hand after 50+ years, watching him take his last breath. To the mother just giving birth and yet saying goodbye to her beautiful baby. The child born into drugs, watching his parents abuse each other. The teenager who wants to sing but has no voice. A mother that received a knock on the door, with news her child had been hit by a drunk driver while riding his bike home.
Everything becomes small. You realize you have the chance to change, the opportunity to try again. Words echo through the day of people who have forgotten how non-important life can be. In a blink you have no going back. People can be taken with no warning, no memo, email, facebook, twitter. Life is a blessing, a miracle. Make the most of everyday, live to the fullest. Do what you say you can never do, believe in yourself and others will believe in you. Surround yourself with positive loving people...and leave the rest. Make choices and stand by your decision. Admit when your wrong, and let others be right. Love to the fullest height you can reach, and tell that someone. Never hold back, don't let pride fool you. Sing if you want, as loud as you want. Smile at a stranger, they will remember you.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Be yourself..

You are who you are right? Its time we be ourselves. So often society pins you to be someone else. The one everyone wants you to be. I can no longer be that girl. I am my mothers daughter, free and full of life. I open my arms to a future so clear I can taste it. Looking back just a short year ago I was so clouded. So lost but yet searching for life. All my travels down wrong paths lead me to a safe place. Which odd to say is the comfort of myself. I wasted enough time thinking "what did I do" to realize.."why didn't I". The only thing I regret is time, loss of time. Sure sure...blah blah you lived learned. Again I get it, but I do think with my head out of his ass I could be some place else. I will never let go of my lessons. What life taught me. This is what I learned..

1. "Fuck you" is not a terms of endearment.
Fuck off, go fuck yourself, fucking idiot, fuck you bitch..nope not working for me.
2. I hate doing laundry
"oh no...I hate it..."
3. I like my bed made everyday
So I can throw my laundry on it
4. You cant expect a song and dance
In bed everyday...right?
5. I'm never alone
I have many friends, great family..and my nightstand
6. A smile and thank you means the world
Don't need flowers, diamonds...whatever...just appreciate it!
7. I want a partnership
OK...I'm not doing the laundry though
8. I love to laugh
My smile lights up, I glow..make me can have a little.
9. I have a dirty mind
Yes, yes I do...gutter girl from dirty SE
10. I need trust
If you cant...leave now
11. I can never let my past dictate my future
I have no daddy issues, what i have are my own set.
12. I can be late
But you cant?
13. Don't forget to flush
14. Don't smoke in my house
15. The door is that way
I found it..hahaha
16. "Fuck me" can be a terms of endearment.(should i continue?)

It is all about to change for me. I have taken this opportunity to move and grow in a way most women should after a screwed up relationship. Instead most of you move right into the next. Learn to love yourself ladies...then you may love another. Its a constant check and adjust for me these days. Not understanding the momentum my life has taken. Moving fast and in such a positive direction. A true believer in has come back around, and this shit feels good.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Short chapters

In every dark shadow you can find light.
Use your imagination with me,
If your eyes cannot see through me, I can stay hidden.
Safe places bring lonliness.
No disire, no need to have you.
A soft quite scream can echo through a million songs.
I am going somewhere
You will not be coming along
You will not get notice
You will not get an invite
My story is long but so short
thick pages and a heavy cover.
Stop trying to pry me open,
if you are able to wait I will share.
I am ment to be bound tight
Tap your feet as you read through me
my melody soothes your mind
close your eyes and I will sing to you.
A gentle song of fear and heartbreak.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My turn

Blah blah blah. Seems to be a line I'm using a lot lately.Stop talking start doing. I'm sick of the excuses and I'm done with the waiting. I have watched the shitty people get lucky and cash in on it. Biggest discovery this year so far.. Life is not about luck. You make your own path, you decide your own future. Stop waiting for the opportunities to fall into your lap, smile..wink..give a come and get me nod and make it happen. Ask the right questions, and pay attention to the fucking answers. If the information is in the the shit. Day after day I hear the general public blame issues on others. Deflect there own responsibility...take ownership of the problem and fix it. Fuck...excuses. My ears are closed to all the bitching and complaining. All the drama...shut up, my ears bleed from your life. Its exhausting.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Hello friends

Hello to all of know who you are. Many follow, many walk next to me..a few have ran in front and I am planning on tripping. I'm a sneaky little lady that seems to have a great surprise attack. So watch it, move to far ahead and your bound to see the pavement. So it has been well over a month since the last entry..and not much has changed. Which totally sucks ass or is wonderful. Either way boring as F. Life itself has become mush busier and I have many people keeping the social calendar full. Guess I cant say boring cause its really been anything but. Took a small vacation to visit my sister in March and this is what I gained from it...Love you Lacy.

I am a single woman, living a single life. I raise a great young man and we deal with life's bumps as they come. Bump bumpy road. I need 4x4 to keep up with this shit. My sister has it all put together, or so it seems. This little house stores 3 little men, a Mother and a Father. They have moments of laughter, pissyness and dog running around piano playing someone crying someone asking for a snack, daddies gonna lose it Mom needs a break, shh can I get a drink times. Its great. It really is what most of us want or have and take for granted. I wont deny I could have had this with my ex husband. I'm sure I would have 3 by now, and life would be just peachy..and a fucking mess in my head. I don't think my sister is a mess though. Calenders, planners, sack lunches, snacks after school, lessons to be taught, people to pick up, groceries to get..on and on...she's a modern day Superwoman. Clap clap clap...oh shit sorry the baby is sleeping.
These are all things I wish to have but not so much right now. I envy her talents but I'm sure it takes its toll on your body and mind. Girl needs a break..why don't ya head on down to Mexico and learn to surf? Oh wait you did..good girl.
So cheers to tomorrow...and another day in your fast lane vs. mine..Love ya sissy.
In the 6 hour drives back and forth K did very well he wined a little but eh what the hell would you do with a crazy Mom playing Micheal Jackson, Garbage, Dixie Chicks, Billy Joel, Mariah Carey, Beastie Boys, Lionel Richie, fuck what else? I played the most random music ones ears could bleed. Pretty sure he sang along to a few but other then that his headphones and ipod were glued to his innocent ears. Poor kid. I felt his pain. Remembering so many childhood road trip with Pat playing fucking Neil Diamond, Crosby Stills and Nash..Neil Young, Rush, Huey Lewis and the News, Phil Collins, Bruce Hornsby and the fucking Range...dear God how did we live through it all? The constant thumping of his fingers on the steering wheel, the louder the stereo got the louder the drum solo his fingers could play. Pat was a great steering wheel drummer..props to you.

Drive home is a story..I will tell soon. Sleep.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Work in progress

Time to write. Lay out my feelings....Ive been feeling right? Been over a month..that's a record I'm sure.

So more then ever I have been working on "me" . Finding this girl hidden within. I found her trapped in words. Here is how I found her..not in any certain order.....Sad, alone, spent, drained, unappreciated, broken down, beat up, unemotional, depressed, anxious, upset, pissed, used, and deprived. I am now...some of those but so much happier. More then ever I have learned to live in a state of confusion. Not knowing which way is up or which road to take. I tend to find myself going down roads I know I shouldn't and take the wrong way down a one way...F

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Tears are ok. Its ok to cry. Unless your drowning. Unless you cant see through them. Chances are meant to be taken. Love is all about endurance. How long will it last, are you strong enough. The race is not a sprint, it is cross-country. You must be in perfect shape, ready for a marathon. Its when your not in your prime, when you push things aside and don't fix yourself and enter into a relationship that it goes wrong. Distrust, hesitation and doubt. Depending on what the past was, the conditioning may be greater. Time Time Time. With healing there is pain. Some you wish you never sought to find. Some needing to be opened, for closure. Seeking to find clarity, you find a clouded path. Never know when a dead end turns into a highway and you can swerve the road blocks. Ok enough metaphors. Say what I mean. I meant to say....Chances are meant to be taken. Sometimes you win...often you lose. I think that makes the win so much greater.
Thats it. Great. Just great.